my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
