he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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