I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Shame - the story of my life.
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