I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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