grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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