I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
3 2 1 whiskey
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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