Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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