dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just cropdusted the office
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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