two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize