we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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