dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize