toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
