I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
