even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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