Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
