you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My liver just had a heart attack.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have aggressive nipples.
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