There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
