Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
