I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize