After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
