It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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