my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
