I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Everyone says I win the strip club
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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