bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
