Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
