The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize