OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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