The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
