I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
