it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
