Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
