I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
