Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
