mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish I only lived at night.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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