I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
