the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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