Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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