he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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