can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
