Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
