I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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