So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
