sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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