well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize