she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
