her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
