thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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