its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize