Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
