Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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