...so i touched it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i drank out of a bidet.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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