My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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