which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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