I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
