Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
