your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
