I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
