Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize