Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
