There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
