I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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