My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
