just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
