so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
