ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize