Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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