Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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