when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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