I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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