Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
