I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize
