your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize