I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I need moral support for this bender
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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