shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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