My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
