Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
