He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
