It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
