Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
