i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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