Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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