I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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