Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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