It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
