and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
