dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
