1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
