I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
