just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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