the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize