Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
