I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
