I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
