Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
