i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
