she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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