You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
