So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
